: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize