Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
