I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
