yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
