Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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