My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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