I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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