I'm gonna have a badass scar
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
