We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
