Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
