he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had sex on a roof
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
