So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
