We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
