My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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