Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
