i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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