I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
