Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
