then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's shark week go big or go home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
