Christians are straight up FREAKS
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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