Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
