im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
