Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
