So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
