I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
