I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She announced her abortion via fbk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
