so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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