Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
