Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
