I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
