I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
