I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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