so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
