please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
