def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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