I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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