Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
