Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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