Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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