I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
