so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
