TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
