my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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