were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
