Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
