Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
People in love make me want to vomit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
