Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
