Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
