My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
