I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
