I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
