what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
