I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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