i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
