'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need a beard to bite.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
