Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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