I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
