Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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