is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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