My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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