Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
