Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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