just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
