Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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