Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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