How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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